What Should You Not Say In A Eulogy

Okay, so picture this: it’s my Great Aunt Mildred's funeral. Sweet lady, loved her cats, and made a mean pot roast. But her son, bless his heart, decided to use his eulogy time to… well, let’s just say he aired some very dirty laundry. Family feuds I never even knew existed were suddenly front and center. Awkward doesn't even begin to cover it. I swear, you could hear crickets chirping louder than the hymn afterwards.

That got me thinking (as awkward silences often do): what are the absolute, 100%, do-not-touch-with-a-ten-foot-pole topics when delivering a eulogy? Because nobody wants to be that person, right? (You know, the one everyone whispers about for years to come).

The Big No-Nos: A Eulogy Survival Guide

Let’s break it down, shall we? Consider this your cheat sheet for eulogy etiquette. We're aiming for respectful and memorable, not infamous and cringe-worthy.

1. Dirty Laundry: Seriously, just leave it. This is not the time to rehash old arguments, grudges, or family secrets. Remember Aunt Mildred? Yeah, exactly. Keep the focus on the good stuff. It’s a celebration of their life, not a therapy session for your resentments.

(Side note: If you really need to vent, schedule a coffee date with a therapist later. Seriously. It’s healthier for everyone.)

2. Controversial Opinions: Politics, religion, divisive social issues… leave them out. Trust me on this one. Unless the deceased was a prominent figure known for their work in these areas, and it's handled with extreme tact and respect, it's a minefield. You’re there to honor a person, not start a debate club meeting in a place of mourning.

3. Financial Matters: Unless the will explicitly states something incredibly heartwarming and relevant (like, "I leave my cat Whiskers to my niece because she always brought him tuna"), keep inheritance details and money talk far, far away from the eulogy. It’s just… tacky. And likely to spark some unpleasant family drama down the line. You have been warned.

4. Dark Humor (Usually): Now, this is a tricky one. Humor can be a beautiful way to celebrate a life and ease the pain of grief. But, and this is a big BUT, you need to know your audience and the deceased’s sense of humor really, really well. Sarcasm? Probably not. A lighthearted anecdote about their quirks? Maybe. Proceed with extreme caution. When in doubt, err on the side of caution.

5. Making it All About You: The eulogy is about the person who passed away, not about you and your amazing public speaking skills. Keep the focus on their life, their accomplishments, their impact on others. Sharing a personal anecdote is fine, but make sure it serves to illustrate something about them, not just showcase your own brilliance (or struggles).

6. Anything You Wouldn’t Say to Their Face: This is a pretty good general rule. If you wouldn’t have felt comfortable saying it to them while they were alive, it’s probably not appropriate for their eulogy. Think about the impact your words will have on their loved ones. Be respectful, kind, and thoughtful.

7. Lying or Exaggerating Excessively: A little embellishment is human, we all do it. Saying they were a “pillar of the community” when they volunteered once at the soup kitchen? Fine. Saying they single-handedly solved world hunger when they mostly watched Netflix? Not so much. Stick to the truth (or at least, a lightly polished version of it).

The Takeaway

Ultimately, a eulogy is a gift – a chance to celebrate a life and offer comfort to those who are grieving. Keep it respectful, keep it personal, and most importantly, keep it focused on the individual you're honoring. Avoid the pitfalls listed above, and you'll be well on your way to delivering a heartfelt and memorable tribute. And hey, if all else fails, just talk about their amazing pot roast recipe (unless, of course, it was truly terrible). 😉