What Did Crystal Do To Lose 14 Friends

Have you ever accidentally unfriended someone on social media? Maybe you clicked the wrong button, or perhaps a misunderstanding led to a digital purge. But have you ever unfriended fourteen people at once? Well, Crystal did!

It wasn't a massive falling out, a political debate gone wrong, or even a pyramid scheme pitch gone sideways. It all boils down to one thing: Crystal's enthusiastic, some might say overly enthusiastic, embrace of… her sourdough starter.

The Rise of the Doughy Dictator

It started innocently enough. Crystal, like many during a certain pandemic, discovered the joys of baking. Not just any baking, mind you. We're talking the ancient, mysterious, and slightly intimidating world of sourdough.

She named her starter "Doughy" (original, right?), and treated it like a newborn. This, in itself, wasn't the problem. Many bakers affectionately anthropomorphize their starters. It’s part of the quirky charm!

The problem arose when Doughy began to dominate Crystal's entire online presence. Imagine your friend's Instagram feed suddenly becoming 90% pictures of bubbling goo in a jar. That's basically what happened.

A Flood of Fermented Photos

There were photos of Doughy at every stage: Doughy "sleeping" (aka, sitting on the counter), Doughy "waking up" (aka, bubbling slightly), Doughy after a feeding (aka, looking… the same).

Every achievement, every milestone, was meticulously documented. "Doughy doubled in size today! #ProudMom #SourdoughLife". Then came the inevitable question on every single photo, “Isn’t Doughy beautiful?”.

But the real turning point? The daily "Doughy's Diary" updates on Facebook. It was… intense. One entry read:

"Doughy had a rough night. The temperature in the kitchen fluctuated, and I think he got a bit stressed. Added a pinch of rye flour for comfort. Hoping for a better bake tomorrow! #SourdoughAnxiety #DoughyNeedsLove"

The Unfriending Spree

The unfriending didn't happen overnight. It was a slow, gradual exodus. One by one, Crystal's friends quietly slipped away, their feeds simply unable to handle the sheer volume of fermented content.

Crystal, blissfully unaware, continued her Doughy chronicles. She was too busy perfecting her crumb structure and lamenting the inconsistent oven temperature to notice the dwindling audience.

Then, one day, she went to tag her usual group in a photo of a particularly impressive loaf. Only to discover that about 14 of them were no longer in her friend list. A moment of realization washed over her.

Initially, she was hurt. Then she had a good laugh. After all, she had Doughy. And Doughy, unlike her fickle friends, always rose to the occasion. She even made a loaf and tagged everyone (the ones that were still friends) that it was made from Doughy with love.

The moral of the story? Maybe, just maybe, there is such a thing as too much sourdough content. And perhaps, just perhaps, your friends aren't quite as invested in your starter's emotional wellbeing as you are.

But hey, at least Crystal has amazing bread. And who knows, maybe she'll win back those friends with a perfectly baked loaf. After all, who can resist the allure of fresh, artisanal sourdough?