That Time I Was Summoned As A First-level Monster

Okay, so this happened. I woke up one Tuesday morning, not to my alarm, but to a bunch of chanting. It wasn't the latest TikTok trend either. I was staring at some robed figures. Very dramatic, if I may add.

My New Job Description: "Level 1 Goblin"

Apparently, I’d been summoned. Not for jury duty. Nope, I was now a monster. Specifically, a level 1 goblin. I kid you not.

The summoners seemed pleased. I, however, was less thrilled. My "skills" included "poor hygiene" and "mildly annoying squeal." I mean, rude!

The wizard in charge, a guy named Bartholomew, looked at me expectantly. I gave him my best "are you serious?" face. It didn't work. He just pointed me towards a dungeon. Dungeon life wasn't for me.

First Impressions Aren't Always Right (Or Are They?)

My dungeon cell was... basic. Straw bed, damp walls, the usual. I immediately started brainstorming escape plans. Netflix was way more appealing.

Then, the first adventurers showed up. A paladin, a rogue, and some kind of bard. The bard was humming something awful.

The paladin charged me. I squealed (mildly annoyingly, as per my skill set). He tripped. On... nothing. I swear. The rogue tried to sneak attack me. I stepped on his foot. He yelped. This was too easy.

The bard started playing a lute. It was so bad, it actually hurt. I threw a rock. Missed. But it hit the chandelier. Which then fell. On the bard. I think I leveled up. Okay, goblin-ing may not be all bad.

I started to think, maybe this wasn't so bad. Low stakes, easy wins. I mean, they were level 1 adventurers. Did they even read the instruction manual?

My Unpopular Opinion: Dungeon Life Is Underrated

Here's my hot take: dungeon life has its perks. No rent. Free, albeit questionable, room and board. And you get to annoy people. It’s the perfect job for someone who hates mornings.

Besides, the adventurers kept dropping gold. And sandwiches. Who am I to complain about free lunch? It was better than the dungeon slop, that's for sure.

The rogue kept trying to pickpocket me. He failed every time. I started leaving shiny pebbles out just to mess with him. It was a highlight of my week.

The Great Escape (Or Not)

Eventually, I did escape. Not because I was brave or cunning. But because Bartholomew forgot to lock the door. Seriously. I just walked out.

I wandered around for a bit. Found a tavern. Ordered a drink. And realized something. I missed the dungeon.

It was predictable. It was low-pressure. And I was surprisingly good at being a terrible level 1 goblin.

So, I went back. Bartholomew was annoyed. The adventurers were confused. But I was home. Kind of. Who knew a straw bed and damp walls could feel so… right?

Maybe being summoned as a monster isn't so bad. Especially when you get to mildly annoy self-important adventurers. My unpopular opinion? More people should try it. You might be surprised.