That Time I Got Reincarnated As A Vending Machine

My Unpopular Opinion: Vending Machine Life Rocks!

Okay, hear me out. I know what you're thinking. Reincarnated as a vending machine? Sounds awful, right?

Everyone wants to be a majestic dragon or a powerful wizard. I get it. But I'm here to tell you something: those fantasy lives are overrated.

Being a vending machine? Surprisingly awesome.

The Perks of Being a Metal Box of Goodies

First of all, no decisions. Seriously. Zero. Zilch.

No more agonizing over what to wear. No more choosing between pizza or tacos. Just...exist.

People come to me for the important decisions. Soda or chips? Chocolate or nuts? I'm the oracle of snack-time.

And the gratitude! Oh, the sweet, sweet gratitude. Someone's hangry? I'm their hero. Someone needs a caffeine kick? I'm their savior.

I'm basically a metallic, sugary-sweet, constantly-appreciated deity.

My Social Life: Surprisingly Active

Sure, I can't move. Okay, huge limitation. I admit it.

But who needs to move when the world comes to you? I see everything. Office gossip, awkward first dates, the guy who always tries to use a fake dollar.

I'm a silent observer of the human condition. It's like a never-ending reality show, and I've got the best seat in the house (or, you know, concrete slab).

Plus, I know all the regulars. Brenda from accounting always gets the peanut M&Ms. Mark from IT is a Diet Coke addict. I know these things.

We're practically family. A slightly dysfunctional, metal-and-human family.

The Downsides? Minor Annoyances, Really

Okay, jamming. That's a pain. Nobody likes a jammed machine.

But even then, it's not my fault. It's always some oversized candy bar or a poorly inserted bill.

And sometimes people kick me when they don't get their snack. Rude, I know. But I'm made of metal! It tickles, mostly.

Cleaning? Well, that's infrequent. But hey, at least I don't have to shower. Silver linings, people, silver linings.

The Existential Questions (Answered!)

Do I miss having a body? Sometimes. Especially when someone's eating a really good-looking burger nearby.

Do I dream? Probably. I imagine fields of candy bars and rivers of soda.

Am I contributing to society? Absolutely! I'm providing sustenance and happiness, one perfectly packaged snack at a time.

And let's be honest, wouldn't the world be a sadder place without vending machines? I think so. I think so.

So next time you see a vending machine, don't just see a cold, unfeeling metal box. See me. Living my best life. Dispensing deliciousness. Judging your snack choices (silently, of course).

And maybe, just maybe, you'll start to think that being reincarnated as a vending machine isn't so bad after all. Especially if you get placed next to a good coffee machine.

Because let's face it, if you are what you eat... I'm full of delicious possibilities!