My Husband Is Starting To Suspect Something Ad
Okay, friends, I need to tell you something. I think my husband, bless his oblivious heart, is starting to catch on. He's getting... suspicious.
The Case of the Mysterious Packages
It all started subtly, really. A raised eyebrow here, a quizzical look there. But lately, the frequency of my ahem "deliveries" has been escalating.
He used to just passively accept the constant stream of boxes arriving at our doorstep. Now, he's started asking questions. Innocent questions, of course, but still...questions!
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Exhibit A: The Glitter Bomb
Remember that adorable glitter bomb I ordered? The one shaped like a unicorn? Well, it arrived while he was working from home.
I tried to intercept the delivery guy, I really did! But alas, fate intervened. My husband opened the door, the delivery guy announced "Package for...", and a cascade of rainbow glitter rained down upon him.
His reaction was... priceless. Let's just say there were a few choice words, followed by a lot of vacuuming. Now he eyes every package with extreme caution.
Exhibit B: The "Emergency" Snack Stash
Another giveaway? My burgeoning snack stash. I keep it hidden in the pantry, behind the bulk bag of quinoa (which, let's be honest, neither of us will ever eat).
But my strategic placement skills aren't as great as I thought. He caught me red-handed the other day, reaching for a family-sized bag of chocolate-covered pretzels. "Really, honey?" he asked, a smirk playing on his lips. "Quinoa and pretzels?"
Exhibit C: The Sudden Interest in Catalogs
Suddenly, he's Mr. Mailman. He's intercepting the mail before I can get to it! He's "just curious" about the catalogs that keep arriving. Sure, honey. Sure.
I swear he even saw me trying to hide a particularly suspicious catalog under the couch cushion. It featured several pages of novelty socks with cats wearing tiny hats. Irresistible, I tell you!
Operation: Distraction
So, what's a girl to do? Operation: Distraction is now in full swing. I've been leaving out copies of his favorite magazines. I've even started suggesting we watch sports games together.
He's probably just thinking I'm being unusually sweet and attentive. Which, technically, I am. I'm being sweetly and attentively distracting!
Wish me luck, folks. I'm going to need it. He just asked me what's in the giant box that arrived this morning. I told him it's a life-sized inflatable dinosaur for the backyard. Which, by the way, is only partially a lie.
I'll keep you updated on how things progress. In the meantime, I'm off to "reorganize" the pantry and find a new hiding place for the cat-themed socks. Wish me luck!
I mean, seriously, can you blame a girl for wanting a little retail therapy now and then? And who wouldn't want a unicorn glitter bomb?
He loves me, right? Right?
