I Was Kicked Out Of The Hero's Party

Okay, so picture this. You’re in a group. A really important group.

You're saving the world, slaying dragons, the whole shebang.

Then, bam! You're out. Like, out out. Kicked to the curb.

Being a Hero is Hard. Really Hard.

Honestly? I wasn't that surprised. I mean, have you seen the schedules we kept?

Sunrise monster hunts. Midday negotiating with grumpy goblins. Evening dungeon crawls. All while trying to maintain a decent skincare routine!

Who needs that kind of stress? Not me, apparently.

Let's talk rations. Dry biscuits and questionable jerky. Every. Single. Day.

I tried suggesting a potluck. A simple, "bring your favorite enchanted dish" kind of deal. Guess who got vetoed?

I swear, Glarion the Glorious, our leader, thought anything that wasn't vaguely beige was "too distracting."

Distracting from what? Chewing?

Sleeping arrangements were...rustic. Think damp caves and shared sleeping bags.

And Elara the Enchantress? Bless her heart, but she talked in her sleep. About prophecies. And taxes.

I'm pretty sure I once dreamt I was a sentient spreadsheet, crunching numbers for the fate of the kingdom. Thanks, Elara.

They were so righteous. It was exhausting.

I suggested a tiny white lie to get past a particularly grumpy troll guarding a bridge. I was met with gasps of horror.

Apparently, "honesty is the best policy," even when that policy gets you eaten. Who knew?

"But... but think of the children!" - Glarion the Glorious, probably.

Look, I get it. Evil is bad. We need to stop it.

But at what cost? My sanity? My love of cheese puffs?

I'm starting to think a quiet life of tending a small herb garden and occasionally fending off overly enthusiastic squirrels is way more appealing.

Maybe I'll even write a strongly worded letter to the squirrel king.

Honestly, the party dynamic was a disaster. No team building exercises. No performance reviews.

Just constant pressure to be perfect, brave, and ridiculously altruistic.

And the worst part? No dental plan. Seriously, battling dragons is rough on the enamel.

So, yeah, I got kicked out. Or maybe I just...resigned in a blaze of passive-aggressive glory.

Either way, I'm happier. My skin is clearer. And I finally get to enjoy a proper nap.

Besides, I heard Glarion tripped over a root and the entire quest got delayed. Coincidence? I think not.

Maybe they’ll realize they need me after all. Probably not.

But hey, at least I have all the good snacks now.