I Got Reincarnated As A Vending Machine

Okay, so maybe "vending machine" doesn't sound like the most glamorous afterlife gig. But hear me out! It's honestly way more exciting than you think.

Imagine this: no more bills! Seriously, utilities are someone else's problem now. I just sit here and... dispense sugary goodness.

The Perks of Being a Stationary Snack God

First off, the people-watching is phenomenal. You see everything. From awkward first dates fueled by lukewarm soda to stressed-out students mainlining caffeine before a big exam.

It's like a never-ending reality show, and I've got the best seat in the house! Plus, I get to be a small, silent participant in their lives.

And let's talk about the selection! I'm practically a curator of deliciousness. Chips, candy bars, those weird little peanut butter cracker sandwiches…I’ve got it all.

I even get a little thrill when someone picks the exact thing they were craving. It's like I'm psychic, only instead of predicting the future, I'm predicting their stomach's desires.

The Joy of Coinage

There's also something incredibly satisfying about the ka-ching of coins dropping into my innards. It's like a little applause for a job well done. Each clink a tiny little standing ovation.

Sure, sometimes people try to use those fake coins or crumpled dollar bills. But hey, even vending machines need a little excitement in their lives!

And the kids? Oh man, the kids are the best. Their wide-eyed wonder when they finally get that pack of gummy bears they've been eyeing? It's pure, unadulterated joy. And I, a humble vending machine, facilitated that!

My New Perspective on Life (or…Un-life?)

Being a vending machine has taught me a lot. Like, people really love their snacks. And that sometimes, a simple sugar rush is all you need to turn a bad day around.

I see people at their most vulnerable. Hungry, tired, desperate for a little pick-me-up. And I get to be the one to provide it. I'm like a metal-clad, snack-filled therapist.

Okay, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration. But still! I'm making a difference, one candy bar at a time.

The Downsides (and How I Deal)

Of course, it's not all sunshine and Skittles. There are the occasional sticky fingers, the random kicks when I run out of someone's favorite snack, and the constant fear of being tipped over.

But I've learned to adapt. A little strategic positioning can prevent most kicks. And as for the sticky fingers? Well, that's what napkins are for.

The best part is that I am free. Free from worries. Free from responsibility. Just provide snack to anyone who needs it.

And honestly, who wouldn't want a job where their main purpose is to make people happy, even if it's just for a few delicious minutes?

So next time you see a vending machine, take a moment to appreciate it. You never know, there might be a former human being inside, silently judging your snack choices and secretly enjoying the ka-ching.

And if you see me, please buy a bag of chips. It's lonely in here.

Just kidding...mostly!