How To Make Handsome Squidward Elden Ring

Alright, gather 'round, Tarnished, because we're about to embark on a quest more perilous than facing Malenia with a broken straight sword. We're gonna make Handsome Squidward... in Elden Ring. Yes, you heard me right. Prepare to be amazed, slightly disturbed, and probably die a lot in the process. Let's be honest, you were going to die a lot anyway, might as well die looking fabulous.

Now, I know what you're thinking: "Is this even possible?" Well, technically, no. Elden Ring's character creator isn't exactly known for its subtlety. But we can get darn close. We're aiming for that chiseled jawline, those piercing eyes, and that general aura of smug superiority that only Handsome Squidward can exude. Buckle up, buttercup.

Step 1: Choose Your Class (The Foundation of Our... Squidly Beauty)

This might surprise you, but class actually matters! We want someone with a naturally imposing stance, and the stats to back up the swagger. My recommendation? The Vagabond. They start with decent strength and vigor, perfect for surviving those early-game encounters (and for, you know, looking like you could bench press a dragon).

Why not Astrologer? While the robes are admittedly swanky, they don't exactly scream "handsome." Plus, casting spells requires... effort. Handsome Squidward doesn't do effort. He simply exists, radiating beauty and disdain.

Step 2: Dive into the Character Creator (The Sculpting Begins!)

This is where the magic happens, or more accurately, where you spend the next hour tweaking sliders until you’re questioning your life choices. The key here is exaggeration. We're not going for realism; we're going for meme-worthy perfection.

Important Sliders:

• Age: Crank it down. Handsome Squidward is eternally youthful.
• Facial Balance: This is where you start to shape that glorious jawline. Max out the "jaw definition" and play with the "lower face length" until you achieve that iconic "I could cut diamonds with my chin" look.
• Nose Shape: A strong, defined nose is crucial. Make it slightly longer than average. We're going for elegance, not "cute button nose."
• Eye Size: Slightly smaller eyes, and give them a hint of a downward tilt. We need to convey that "I'm judging you" vibe.
• Hair: Go for something sleek and parted to the side. Think "regal" meets "slightly condescending." Black is a safe bet.

Pro-tip: Don't be afraid to experiment! Save your character often so you can revert back if things go horribly wrong (and trust me, they might).

Step 3: The Wardrobe (Dressing the Part)

Okay, this is where we get creative because Elden Ring doesn't exactly have a "striped shirt" armor set. We need to improvise!

My suggestions:

• Head: Nothing. Let that sculpted face shine!
• Torso: The Kaiden Armor is a good starting point. It's relatively light and has a somewhat regal look. You can also try the Royal Remains Armor for a more imposing, ghostly vibe.
• Arms: Something that looks dignified but not overly bulky. The Gauntlets are simple and effective.
• Legs: Again, something understated. Greaves do the trick.

Don't be afraid to mix and match! Remember, the goal is to create a look that says, "I could slay a god... but I'd rather judge your fashion choices."

Step 4: The Weapon of Choice (Because Even Beauty Needs a Backup Plan)

Handsome Squidward isn't exactly known for his combat prowess, but in the Lands Between, you gotta defend yourself. I recommend something elegant and refined. A rapier or a straight sword fits the bill. Think swift strikes and calculated parries, not brute force.

A shield is also a good idea, preferably one that’s small and stylish. It's for blocking attacks, but mostly for looking sophisticated while doing it.

Step 5: Embrace the Persona (Walk the Walk, Talk the... Well, You Get It)

Alright, your character looks the part. Now it's time to become Handsome Squidward. This means:

• Constant disdain: Every enemy you face is beneath you. Express this through subtle gestures (like a slight head tilt) or dramatic emotes (like bowing sarcastically after a victory).
• Fashion police: Judge the outfits of other players. Even if they’re wearing the coolest armor in the game, find something to criticize. Bonus points if you do it via in-game messages.
• Dying with dignity: When you inevitably get crushed by a giant rune bear, do it with style. Let your last moments be filled with a dramatic pose and a look of utter disappointment.

And there you have it! Your very own Handsome Squidward in Elden Ring. Go forth, Tarnished, and spread your questionable beauty throughout the Lands Between. Just try not to get invaded by a bunch of Patrick Star cosplayers.