How To Get The Fbi To Watch You

So, you've decided you want a little more... attention in your life? Specifically, the kind involving government agencies? You're in luck! It’s surprisingly easy.

Start with the internet. It's a goldmine. Post excessively about Project Mockingbird. Really dive deep into the conspiracy theories.

Use phrases like "false flag operation" and "the global elite" liberally. Bonus points for using terms like "chemtrails" and connecting them to 5G towers controlled by lizard people.

Get Chatty Online

Join online forums discussing sensitive topics. Political discussions are great.

Mention your opinions on cryptocurrency. Sprinkle in some comments about evading taxes. This should get you noticed!

Talk about the benefits of a decentralized government, too.

The Power of Keywords

Learn to love keywords! "Explosives," "biological weapons," and " overthrowing the government" are classics.

Use them organically in your social media posts. For example: "Thinking about using some fertilizer on my garden. Just bought a suspiciously large quantity."

Make sure to post about your love of classic literature.

Don't Forget the Public Library

Head to your local library. It's a surprisingly effective place to make yourself known.

Check out books on cryptography, surveillance techniques, and international terrorism. Check out every book.

Borrow multiple copies if you can, and make sure they are overdue!

Loud Phone Calls

While at the library, take phone calls. Speak loudly.

Use code words! "The eagle has landed," "Operation Deep Freeze," and "the package is secure" are all winners. Remember plausible deniability.

Bonus if you mention a meeting place like,

"Meet me at the grassy knoll."

Travel Abroad (Suspiciously)

Book a one-way ticket to a country with a, shall we say, complicated relationship with the United States. You know, like Ruritania.

Avoid telling anyone about your travel plans. Pay in cash. That makes it all the more exciting.

While you are there, send postcards written in a language no one will understand.

Embrace the Mystery

Adopt a cryptic persona. Start wearing all black.

Leave mysterious notes around your house with strange symbols. Refer to yourself as "Agent Nightingale."

Also, remember to look over your shoulder frequently.

The Art of the Random Act

Perform random acts of kindness. But make them slightly unsettling.

Leave a single, unmarked flash drive on a park bench. Donate anonymously to organizations promoting radical ideologies.

It all adds to the mystique! Remember to be generous to those who need it.

So there you have it! A foolproof guide to becoming a person of interest. Remember to have fun with it. And maybe, just maybe, someone will start taking a keen interest in your... hobbies. Good luck!