Day In The Life Of The Immortal King

Okay, let's talk about being an immortal king. Bet you think it's all thrones and glory. Nope. It's mostly just... Tuesdays. And Tuesdays for centuries, let me tell you.

Morning Mayhem

First, the alarm. It's a golden rooster. A gift from a grateful village back in, oh, 1482? Still works, somehow. Loud.

Then, breakfast. You’d think, with all the time in the world, I'd be a gourmet chef. Nah, it's usually cereal. Don’t judge.

Next, the paperwork. Seriously, the bureaucracy never ends. Even if the kingdom does.

Dealing with petitioners is the worst. Everyone wants something. Longer lifespans? Immortality potions? It's a hard pass from me. I've been there, done that, got the eternally-stained t-shirt. My unpopular opinion? Immortality is wildly overrated.

Midday Musings

Lunch? Probably something quick. Maybe leftover dragon stew (don't ask). Being an immortal king doesn't mean you have a personal chef. Sadly.

Afternoon is usually spent catching up on current events. Which, after centuries, is mostly just recycled history. Honestly, how many times can empires rise and fall? Get some new material, universe!

Training with the royal guard is next. Keeps me in shape. Although, let's be real, I stopped aging around 30. It's more for their benefit. Keeps them on their toes. Plus, it's fun to show off a little.

Then it’s crisis management. There's always a crisis. Goblin raids, rogue mages, misplaced artifacts of unimaginable power. The usual Tuesday stuff.

Evening Escapades (Or Lack Thereof)

Dinner is… more food. Hopefully, someone else cooks this time. I am so done with dragon stew.

Evenings are for "royal duties." Attending balls, hosting dignitaries, pretending to be interested in trade agreements. I'd rather be binge-watching something. "The Crown"? Seen it. Several times.

Trying to find new hobbies to occupy my time is an ongoing issue. Learning the lute was a mistake. Trust me. The royal cat still hasn’t forgiven me.

My unpopular opinion: Medieval music is largely terrible. Sorry, not sorry, composers of old.

Dealing with the royal advisors takes up another chunk of the evening. They mean well, but sometimes I swear they speak in circles. "Strategic synergies" and "leveraging core competencies" were not phrases I expected to hear in the 15th century. Or the 21st, for that matter.

Finally, it's bedtime. After centuries, sleep is still pretty great. Even if I don't technically need it anymore.

The Never-Ending To-Do List

And the worst part? Tomorrow it all starts again. Groundhog Day, but with a crown. And significantly more paperwork.

Trying to maintain a sense of humor is key to survival. I have seen things that would make a normal person go insane. Like, the original version of Cats. Horrifying.

Finding joy in the little things is crucial. A perfectly brewed cup of tea. A genuinely funny joke. A successful goblin raid thwarted with minimal property damage. These are the moments that make it all worthwhile.

So, there you have it. A day in the life of an immortal king. It's not all it's cracked up to be. But hey, at least I'm still here to complain about it.

My final unpopular opinion: Netflix needs to add more historical documentaries. And fewer reality shows. Please.