A Day In The Life Of An Immortal King Dub

The alarm clock? Please. I haven't needed one of those in, oh, a few millennia. Sunlight streaming through the gothic windows is my jam.

First things first: breakfast. No, not ambrosia. Give me a proper crispy bacon sandwich.

Unpopular opinion: Ambrosia is overrated. Way too sweet.

Morning Meditations (and Netflix)

Time for some mindfulness. Or, you know, catching up on the latest season of that vampire baking show.

Years of meditation kind of lose their appeal after a while. Netflix doesn't.

Don't tell the council of elders. They think I'm off communing with nature.

The royal pigeon post arrives promptly at 10 am. It's mostly bills and complaints about my tax policies.

Unpopular opinion number two: Taxing peasants is essential for a smoothly running kingdom, even though they never understand.

Signed, King Dub, Defender of the Realm (and Avid Binge-Watcher).

Next up, tending to the royal gardens. More like strolling around and telling the gardeners what to do.

I do occasionally prune a rosebush. Mostly for show.

The roses are, admittedly, spectacular. Especially the ones enchanted to sing opera.

Lunch is a simple affair: roast boar, a flagon of wine, and plotting against my overly ambitious cousin.

He keeps trying to steal the throne. Honestly, doesn't he have anything better to do?

Unpopular opinion number three: A little bit of treachery keeps things interesting. Just don't get caught.

The afternoon is for adventuring! Usually, that means a nap. Sometimes, I slay a dragon.

Depends on how energetic I'm feeling. Dragons are surprisingly grumpy in the afternoon.

Plus, dragon scales are terrible for upholstery.

Tonight, it's royal book club. This month's selection is a real snoozer about dwarven economics.

I spend most of the time secretly scrolling through Insta-Scroll. The peasants post hilarious memes.

Unpopular opinion number four: Dwarven economics are deeply boring. I prefer cat videos.

Evenings are for entertainment! Tonight, it's a performance by the royal bard. He's surprisingly good at beatboxing.

After that, it's time for… existential dread. Just kidding! Mostly.

Being immortal has its perks, but it also means you've seen a lot of bad bard performances.

Finally, it's time for bed. I sleep on a pile of gold coins. It's surprisingly comfortable.

Another day, another few centuries survived. All in a day's work for King Dub.

And yes, the eternal question: does anyone ever really understand what it's like being me? Probably not. Which is why I mostly watch cat videos.

Being Immortal is great, if you can stand the boredom.